Haven't Acted on Suicidal Thoughts in a while, but today..
I felt like I was at the end of my tether. Figuratively, and literally. I spent most of the day in bed, crying and snoring, just unable to haul myself off the bed and try to face the day at all. I'm so tired, so just absolutely exhausted of trying to hold it all together, and my keep my shit in a pile without losing it, that I just reached a breaking point today, and when the suicidal thoughts came, as they usually do, I not only considered them, but I acted on them. Except, it didn't work, or I wouldn't be typing this. So I'm laying in bed, thinking about how my life has completely gone to shit in so many ways, and how I don't know how to fix it, and I wondered if I should call 911 or not, and actually admit to myself that I feel that bad. I usually feel really shameful when I feel that bad. I can hear my mother's words in my head telling me that its the coward's way out, or suicide is a cop-out, or something along those lines and I'm so filled with gu...