Self Harm
Is a weird thing. I've done it since I was a teenager, and now I'm almost 53 years old, and I think I'm just starting to figure out WHY I do it. I used to think of my zits, flybites, scabs and especially the callouses on my feet as imperfections, and I figured if I picked at them and made them go away, they would be better somehow. Which is odd, cause when I pick at them, I actually make them worse. I sometimes even make them bleed. As I write this, I have 4 bleeding spots on my left foot. My left foot has been a target of my self-harm behaviors the most I think. It has always been more calloused and ugly than my right. I first started believing my feet were ugly when I used to get ingrown toenails on my big toes on both feet all the time from shoes that were too small. I remember having growth spurts as a child. I was a big kid. I was targeted, insulted and bullied as fat, but when I look back at myself, I wasn't fat at all, I was just a big-framed, tall kid. I w...