Somehow, being fat means other people can judge what i put in my mouth..

Was at a party saturday night.

There was a tray of flatbread roll-ups with cream cheese, cranberries and pecans on a side table. There were three people standing next to the table talking, one with their back turned to me.

It never occurred to me that if i took a piece of food off that plate, that i would be judged... and in such a hateful manner.

This man leans over at me and says "Excuse me are we in your way, and did you take anything from this plate yet?" (pointing to a huge plate of desserts, which i didn't want)

I looked at him, rather stunned, then I managed to say "These are delicious."

"I bet they are," he says. "But I don't think they're very slimming!" He slams at me with a disgusted look on his face, and goes back to talking to the two people.

Wow. Just wow.

I choked down the last swallow as I feel the tears well up in my eyes. I go in the bathroom. I bite my lip. I take a tissue and wet it, and press it against my eyes for a few moments. I turn off the light and just breathe, very slowly. I want to go home. Now.

I want to go home, and never show my big fat face in public again.

I was having a nice time. I was talking with a couple of retired teachers who were very interesting people. My male friend was having a nice time talking about his art, and the fine art of beer making. My daughter was helping our host & hostess with coats, and also making sure their dog, who had an injured leg, was kept away from the crowds.

It was our first holiday party of the season.

I barely ate anything all day.

Tell me stranger, did you know I had an eating disorder, and suffered from agoraphobia for two years in my twenties because of people like you?

Did you know I've been a vegetarian for the past 4 years, and even though I am 'fat', I'm actually healthy? I'm fairly active, have a perfect blood pressure, my fasting blood sugar is 5 and my cholesterol is within normal range?

You know, I don't think I've eaten cream cheese since last Christmas.

So tell me, what gives you the right to judge what I eat?

So I spent the rest of the evening in the livingroom, and never ate another bite, or drank anything either. I had already had two glasses of white wine, I suppose that's enough for a fat girl.

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